


"Serenity Nights" -- a Collection of Bedtime Stories

by RevDorothyL



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:12:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevDorothyL/pseuds/RevDorothyL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episodes from the courtship of River and Jayne told as bedtime stories by members of the crew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Jayne and the Dragon Princess:  A Bedtime Story" by Inara Serra (as told to RevDorothyL)

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I do not own _**Firefly**_ or the movie _**Serenity**_ , and I make no money from playing with Joss Whedon's characters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inara tells the story of River and Jayne in the form of a fable, to bribe the children of 'Serenity' into going to bed at a reasonable hour. Pre-Rayne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once the idea of telling the story of River and Jayne in the form of a fable (partly based on a research project I did in graduate school many years ago for a course in 'Women in Buddhist Traditions') entered my head, I couldn't get it out. 
> 
> And who better than "Auntie Inara" to become the Scheherazade of bedtime stories on the good ship _Serenity_ , putting an elegant and even semi-educational spin on the old genre of "Back when Pa was courtin' Ma" tales, in order to keep a passel of hyper-intelligent and hyper-tactile (and probably just plain hyper) rugrats from working their loving, lethal parents' last good nerve at bedtime?

* * * *

  
**"Jayne and the Dragon Princess: A Bedtime Story” by Inara Serra***   
_*As Told to RevDorothyL_   


Once upon a time (so says the _Lotus Sutra_ ) there was a princess of the dragon people, the Naga, who was very gifted. She was the daughter of Sagara, king of the sea, and even though she was only eight years old, she was so wise, so intelligent, so compassionate and understanding that she immediately comprehended whatever was taught to her -- even the preaching of Manjusri, disciple of the Buddha. 

Legend says that the Naga princess carried a priceless jewel on her head, a single jewel worth more than all the wealth of many worlds, and she freely offered her jewel as a gift to the Buddha, as a sign of her commitment to the way of Enlightenment. After the Buddha gladly accepted her gift, in an instant she became a Bodhisattva and traveled to a spotless world, where this Bodhisattva preached the law to many living beings.

Uncounted centuries later, on a far distant world, a new dragon princess was born to a family of ordinary humans – a princess named for the River of Life, from which all dragons descend. Like the original Naga princess, the princess River was gifted in all ways, excelling in grace and wisdom from a very young age. River was also born with a precious jewel, but her jewel was hidden inside her head, rather than carried outwardly for all to see. Even though her jewel was hidden from sight, her older brother could see its radiance shining in her eyes, and he knew that she was a blessing and a gift in herself. He swore that he would protect his dragon sister, no matter what the cost.

Others, however – demons in disguise – began to suspect the existence of River’s hidden jewel, and they were willing to go to any lengths, commit any number of unspeakable crimes, in order to secure that jewel (worth more than the wealth of many worlds, in their eyes) for their own use. When River was fourteen years old, these evil beings found a way to steal her away from her home, with no one but her brother Simon to suspect that the princess was in peril. 

For years the princess was tormented in the underworld, as the demons drilled and cut and dug their claws into her brain, again and again, trying to find and control the precious jewel that was supposed to be her gift to enlighten all worlds. Finally, when the princess thought she could bear it no longer and began to hope for death to release her – when she had almost entirely forgotten what it meant to be a dragon princess, had almost forgotten her own name, even – her steadfast brother found a way to sneak into the demon palace and steal her away. 

Together, the dragon princess and her brave human brother found shelter in the world-traveling cave of Mal, a warrior chieftain among the Browncoat People. Though the chieftain Mal often seemed gruff and ill-tempered, and though his cave wasn’t much to look at (especially compared to the palaces in which the princess and her brother had been raised), the two fugitives gradually came to realize that they had found their true home, at last. 

Along with Mal, who (in time) became like an irascible but protective step-father to the two, there were many other wondrous creatures who traveled the worlds within that cave. Second to Mal was Zoe the Fierce, a minor warrior-mother goddess and guardian of life in her own right. Zoe’s consort was the Wizard Wash, who moved the cave from world to world, finding a path through the darkness where no-one else could. Next, there was the beautiful Kaylee, another magical princess in disguise, who possessed the power to mend broken machines as well as broken spirits, even as the gentle Simon could mend broken bodies. Also living and traveling in the cave were the Ambassador Inara, Mal’s favorite person to argue with, and the Venerable Book, a teacher of wisdom and compassion. 

And finally, there was Jayne the Savage, a skilled hunter and fighter, whose job it was to protect the cave and its residents from all the monsters who roam in the darkness. 

At first, Jayne only saw River and her brother as a threat to his home and his people, and he tried in many ways to get them to leave. Jayne was especially worried about River, who – even in her battered, confused state – knew that Jayne had a great secret, a secret buried so deep that he didn’t even know it himself. Unbeknownst to everyone except River, Jayne was actually a fellow Naga, a dragon warrior in disguise. 

Though for many months River was so wounded and lost that she often seemed not to know her own name, let alone be able to reclaim her dragon power, she yet knew that there was something different about Jayne -- something important -- and so she poked and prodded at him, trying to get him to show himself in his true form. Once, she even went so far as to cut into his skin, thinking that perhaps he was like a dragon egg whose shell was too hard and required help in order to allow the young dragonet inside to burst forth. But nothing she tried worked.

At last the day came when the demons who had tried to steal River’s jewel found a way to reach her across a vast distance. They tracked Mal’s traveling cave and sent wave after wave of monsters to attack every place that might give him refuge. The Venerable Book died fighting to protect the innocent people of Haven, and the Wizard Wash was cruelly slain after bringing his people safely through a gauntlet of death that no other wizard could have managed. Even the mighty Zoe and Jayne were brought low for a time by the overwhelming numbers sent against them. But in their hour of sorrow and need, the Naga Princess River found the way to tap into the power of her hidden jewel. She summoned up all the power of her dragon nature and became death incarnate to the monsters who sought to slay her family and all the demon minions sent against her. 

From that day forth, Jayne the Savage began to look with a kindlier eye upon the Dragon Princess River. Having caught a glimpse of the jewel hidden within her, as she whirled and slashed and decimated her opponents, Jayne’s own draconic nature came to the surface, and he vowed to do whatever it took to be worthy of the gift of such a jewel.

But how he went about it, the battles he fought and the labors he performed . . . well, that’s a tale for another night. Right now, it’s time for sleep!

* * * *

Sources: 

\--Diana Y. Paul, _Women in Buddhism_ (London: University of California Press, 1985).

\--Sallie Tisdale, _Women of the Way_ (New York: HarperCollins, 2006).

\-- _The Lotus Sutra_ (see http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/lotus/lot11.htm, bottom of the page).


	2. "Jayne and the Dragon Princess:  A Bedtime Story" by Inara Serra (as told to RevDorothyL)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal insists on having his turn at telling the continuing saga of Jayne's interest in River, to coax 'Serenity's youngsters to go to bed on time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended to let Inara tell this tale, as a follow-up to her "Jayne and the Dragon Princess" bedtime story, but -- wouldn't you know it? -- Mal kept making rude noises and inserting his own little side-comments whenever certain characters were mentioned, and so I finally had to let him just tell the next part of the story all by himself, in his own, inimitable fashion.

* * *

****

"Jayne and the Boastful Badger: A Bedtime Story” by Malcolm Reynolds*

_*As Told to RevDorothyL_

Once upon a time, there was a trickster known as the Badger of Eavesdown.

Now, you all know the badger as a member of the weasel family, an animal that was pretty common, they say, back on Earth-That-Was. But this Badger, he was a different kind of weasel: the human kind. Nevertheless, he had come up in the world from his humble origins, he believed, and was often heard to loudly proclaim that he was now a man of status, an influential businessman who should be treated with more respect by lowly ship's captains and other honest criminals.

Unfortunately for him, the Badger's mother also heard these boasts about his high status in the Persephone business world, and she -- poor woman! -- actually _believed_ them. (Well, she _was_ his mother, so she'd be naturally inclined to think better of him than he deserved, I suppose.) So she decided to come visit him on Persephone, and -- in keeping with Dyton traditions among the snootier classes -- she was fixin' to arrange an 'advantageous marriage' for her son with the daughter of some noble, or at least well-to-do, local family there.

This posed something of a problem for the Badger, since the influence he boasted of (though real enough, I suppose) was not the sort that made him socially acceptable to most folks, and especially not those who'd actually met him -- not even the high-born weasels with whom he often did business. Unless the Badger was willing to 'fess up to his mama that a lot of what he'd told her about his business and social status over the years was a bunch of, er, 'organic fertilizer', he'd have to find some way to head her off at the pass.

And that's where a certain ruggedly handsome and extremely heroic ship's captain comes into the story . . . .

__

> _[Shush, Inara! I'm telling this here bedtime story, not you! Now, where was I . . . ?]_

  
Oh, yeah: that's where this dashing ship's captain comes into the story -- along with his crew, including one extraordinarily elegant and beautiful ex-Companion, one pint-sized Princess-turned-Copilot, and one not-too-excessively-ugly ex-Merc. 

__

> _[Ow! Careful, Albatross!]_

  
. . . An ex-Merc, as I said, who had a certain rough but sincere charm of his own, and was generally considered not too hard on the eyes, _if_ you were inclined to go for that type. Which I'm  not! Alright?

Now, the Badger knew that this particular brown-coated captain travelled with an elegant ex-Companion, and so when their ship set down at the Eavesdown docks to take on cargo just a day before his mother was due to arrive from Dyton, Badger took it as a sign from some higher power -- probably the god of thieves and procurers -- giving him a way to avoid being leg-shackled without disappointing his mama. Badger came up with the 'brilliant' idea of kidnapping Captain Mal's lovely crewperson and persuading her (through some lowdown means) to pretend to be his affianced bride. He figured his mama would be so blown away by Inara's feminine wiles and graces and her obvious culture that she'd be content to leave him be and toddle on back to Dyton, believing her darling boy was making a brilliant marriage with a high-born lady.

Unfortunately for him, Badger chose to employ his idiot minions to do the kidnapping, and when they saw our pretty little River walking out of Serenity's hold to do some shopping, they figured she was the fine lady that Badger had sent them to get. And though we all know that Princess River could've wiped up the docks with their sorry selves, if she'd been in the mood to do so, she chose to let those dimwits throw a bag over her and drag her back to the Badger's lair, just for the fun of seeing what would happen next (and giving her beloved Captain a few more gray hairs from worrying about her, in the process, which I still say was more than a mite unkind!). 

The only thing that gave the Captain and the rest of the crew some comfort, as they looked high and low for little River, was the discovery that their ex-Merc Jayne was also missing and had last been seen following after River. Granted, there was a time -- not so very long before this -- when Captain Mal and the others might've leapt to some very unflattering conclusions about Jayne and his possible involvement in River's disappearance, and there might've been threats involving airlocks and unnecessary surgery, and the like, uttered against Jayne in his absence. But for the past year or so, ever since the Miranda broad-wave went out, Jayne had been mooning around after River like a little, lovesick puppy . . .

__

> _[Owww! Gorr--I mean, darn it, Jayne! How can I finish this story and send these kids off to dreamland, if you all keep throwing perfectly good apple cores at me, . . . wasting real food, as well as distracting me from my tale of your thrillin' heroics?]_

  
Where was I? Oh, yes. Jayne had been stumbling over his own big feet and turning tongue-tied in River's presence, and generally providing great amusement to the rest of the crew, as he'd pined -- yes, I said 'pined' and I meant it! -- after the fine young woman that River had grown into. So nobody doubted but that he'd do his utmost to bring River back safe and sound. It was just his _ability_ to figure out how to do it that we doubted . . . and we were WRONG to doubt him! So nobody needs to throw anything at me, okay?

As it turned out, many of us had underestimated our Jayne and his ability to figure things out, given the proper motivation. 

Jayne saw River get nabbed in the marketplace, though he was too far away to stop it or to do anything about it without drawing unwanted attention from some folks wearing an unflattering shade of purple, but he recognized several of the idjits who'd snatched her as belonging to Badger, and so he made his wrathful but stealthy way to the Badger's private home in a nice, quiet part of the city, right behind the kidnappers and their victim, and arrived in plenty of time to overhear Badger's reaction to the discovery that the fake fiancee his men had brought him wasn't exactly the one he'd ordered. 

Which happened about two minutes before Badger got the news that his mother had taken an earlier transport and would be arriving within the next few hours. With no time to make other arrangements, Badger decided to try to bluff his way through his mother's visit with a suitably intimidated (he thought!) River playing the part of his adoring, high-born and wealthy fiancee.

Now, there may be those who say that Jayne Cobb's not the most accomplished thinker in the 'verse, or not the most well-educated and refined fella you could hope to meet, but I'm here to tell you, children, that when it comes to the topic of mothers and sons, our ex-Merc is an ex _pert._ So it came to be that Jayne -- yes, Jayne! -- thought of a cunning plan all by his lonesome, and he set about putting it into action.

First, he thought really hard at River, in the little dressing room where Badger had sent her to change into some fancier clothes he'd sent for. Jayne pictured in his mind the main part of what he was fixin' to do, in hopes that she'd be listening for him with that unique brain of hers and be ready to play along. Failing that, he figured he'd just count on her quick wits, which hadn't let any of them down lately, to pick up the necessary cues when the time came.

Second, Jayne broke into the fanciest and biggest unguarded house he could find in the neighborhood and managed to make off with enough fine clothes and gee-gaws -- including a big sash that was supposed to indicate lordship, or some such -- to dress himself up as a snooty, high-class gent . . . _if_ you didn't look too close, or didn't already know him, of course. 

Finally, Jayne waited for Badger's mother to arrive, and for them all to settle down for tea in Badger's over-decorated parlor, with River pouring and handing around the little cups, looking all frilly and helpless in her fancy new dress, keeping her pinkies up and all that useless -- I mean, all that good-mannered! -- stuff. 

Just when he figured that Badger must be breathing easier, thinking his plans to deceive his loving mama were clicking along nicely, Jayne puffed himself up and knocked on Badger's front door. Pushing his way past Badger's snooty but insufficiently lethal butler, Jayne stormed into the front parlor, loudly proclaiming that he'd changed his mind and was willing to risk everything to prove to Miss River that he was worthy to be her husband.

Without missing a beat, River fluttered and preened, and exclaimed how flattered she was that Sir Jayne was willing to risk fighting her in unarmed combat, considering how much he stood to lose. When Badger's mother looked confused and frightened (as well she might!), River kindly explained that it was the custom among the very best families on Persephone that a suitor must prove his worthiness to wed by defeating his intended bride in single combat. If the man won, then the marriage could proceed, and the woman and her dowry would become his. If the man lost, then he had to pay a forfeit to the girl's family sufficient to double the size of her dowry. Then River went on to modestly explain that she had so far defeated four would-be bridegrooms and had thereby become the proud possesser of the largest dowry on Persephone at the moment. It was a little hard on the defeated men's families, she admitted, since the last three men she'd beaten had practically beggared themselves and their families in order to pay the forfeit, and two of the three had afterwards blown their brains out, rather than live with the disgrace. 

While Badger's mother was still digesting that bit of unpalatable news, River turned to Badger -- who had been speechless with shock and dismay ever since Jayne had burst in on them -- and asked if he'd be willing to postpone their own duel of honor that afternoon in order to let her fight Jayne first, since her dowry would be that much larger afterwards, if he were to succeed where Jayne had failed.

Now, I wasn't there to see it myself, unfortunately, but Jayne swears to me that Badger's face turned three different shades of green and then red while he was trying to decide whether or not to go along with the load of horse 'fertilizer' that River had been serving up to his mama along with her tea and biscuits. In the end, he really had no choice but to go along with whatever yarn River decided to spin, rather than admit to his mother that he'd already lied to her about a great many things, not the least of which was River's identity as a high-born and wealthy lady who was willing to marry him. Never having seen River in a fight, Badger had no idea what to expect, but he choked back his pride long enough to follow where River seemed to be leading him and 'graciously' gave his permission for her to fight Jayne first.

So the whole lot of them -- Badger, his mother, his butler, and a couple of bodyguards who'd come running when the shouting started, plus Jayne and River -- trooped out onto Badger's fancy back lawn to witness something that we've all seen and enjoyed numerous times: River beating Jayne black and blue during a sparring session. Once River had bloodied his face some and bounced him off a few hard surfaces several times, Jayne looked sufficiently rough to make his surrender to River semi-believable. As the bodyguards helped Jayne to limp off the field of battle, River happily turned to Badger (looking hardly the worse for wear herself, though she'd managed to split her fancy new dress in a couple of places) and asked if he was ready to carry through on his ardent promises, to risk losing everything and putting himself and his lovely mama out on the streets, for the sake of her love.

As you can imagine, Badger's mother was beside herself by this time, terrified of the physical damage this little spitfire might do to her beloved son (since even to her adoring eyes it seemed unlikely that Badger would fare better than Jayne in a hand-to-hand fight), not to mention the financial and social damage her son would suffer if he were defeated. She roundly told Badger that he was forbidden -- absolutely _forbidden_! -- to even think about getting married until he was at least twenty years older, and that if he lost his shirt through some misguided effort to marry the biggest dowry on Persephone, he needn't think that she'd be willing to go back to washing other people's clothes to support him. 

After that, it seems that River and Jayne had a fine old time making a scene, with River bursting into tears and yelling that Badger had deceived her about his intentions -- and whatever happened to his promises to treat her like a queen and shower her with jewels? -- while Jayne loudly proclaimed that he was going to tell everyone on Persephone that Badger had chickened out, so that it would give the gossips something other than Jayne's defeat to talk about for the next season. The upshot of it all was that Badger's mother insisted he give River and Jayne 'some lovely parting gifts' to encourage them to keep their mouths shut . . . at least long enough for her to catch the first ship back to Dyton and try to forget that any of this ever happened. Jayne limped away from Badger's house with his pockets full of cashy money, and River walked away with the fancy pearl necklace that Badger had just that day presented to his mother.

And that, my dears, is the story of how Jayne used his wits to out-trick the trickster, and managed to get himself, River, and even the ungrateful Badger out of this sticky situation without shedding more than a few drops of blood -- all of it his own. And that's also how Jayne got a step closer to winning River's heart, by losing a fight and saving the day.

As for what happened next, well . . . that's another story for another night!


	3. "River and the Man-Ape Curse: A Bedtime Story" by Simon Tam (as told to RevDorothyL)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon finally demands his turn to tell a story of River and Jayne in their early days, in order to convince 'Serenity's most junior crewmembers to go to bed on time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon’s been practically jumping up and down (in a very refined, Core-trained doctor kind of way, of course!) demanding his turn to tell a version of the story of River and Jayne, so I’m finally going to let him have his say –- may heaven help me!
> 
> I’m imagining an older and much more laid-back Simon telling this tale years after the events of the BDM –- though he probably won’t be able to resist the _occasional_ little dig at Jayne, even so (but that’s a brother-in-law’s prerogative, after all!). Readers, you’ve been fairly warned!

* * *

****

"River and the Man-Ape Curse: A Bedtime Story” by Simon Tam*

_*As Told to RevDorothyL_

Once upon a time there was a moderately good-looking young prince who had a problem controlling his temper. In a fleeting moment of anger, he offended a powerful witch whom he was attempting to woo for his wife. 

(Yes, children: a witch like ‘Saffron the Psychotic’ . . . only much _more_ powerful and -- of course! – a lot _less_ psychotic than Saffron!) 

As punishment for his offense, this not-so-psychotic-but-at-least-semi-evil witch (we’ll call her ‘Vera the Vain’) cursed the prince to assume the form and manner of an untrained Man-Ape, and in this guise he was forced to become a wanderer among the stars, working as a thug for hire and unable to return home until he found some way to break the curse. 

Of course, in keeping with the time-honored custom of wicked witches and magical curses, the witch was deliberately vague about the conditions necessary for breaking the curse. All the former-prince-turned-Man-Ape knew was that the curse would continue until “a River of Blood” stood between the Man-Ape and his past.

Although the former prince had never been truly vicious in his human form (just impatient, ill-tempered, and possibly semi-illiterate), as the cursed Man-Ape he forced himself to become a ruthless hunter and killer, tracking down men and women as easily as animals, and executing his prey by knife or bullet without remorse. With each human life he took to save his own life or earn his pay, he hoped that he’d come closer to making a ‘river of blood’ to end his curse and regain his home. 

But the curse continued, no matter how much blood he spilled. Eventually, the Man-Ape lost hope that the curse would ever be broken, and he tried to forget that he’d ever been anything other than the heartless, mercenary killer he now seemed.

And so he continued in this miserable (and frequently ill-groomed) estate for many years, until one day – apparently by chance! – his path joined that of a princess named River Tam. 

Now, Princess River had some experience with magical transformations. Her own brilliant and highly accomplished older brother had once been turned into a pet hamster, in fact (but that’s a different story for another night!). So River was able to see that there was more to the Man-Ape than his crude exterior and manners suggested, and she took every opportunity to poke and prod at him, trying to provoke him into revealing his true nature. However, nothing she tried seemed to work. 

(It didn’t help, of course, that River herself had been cursed as a child by a coven of evil warlocks, and so she was forced to speak always in riddles, and – like the ancient seer Cassandra – to have her truth-telling perpetually misunderstood and ignored by those around her!)

Finally, one day, after much pain and suffering and many trials, River was able to break through her own curse and begin to be understood by her travelling companions. In order to avenge a great wrong that River had discovered, and to prevent that wrong from ever being repeated against more innocents, River and her companions – including the cursed Man-Ape – had to fight their way through a terrible gauntlet of human-shaped monsters and a misguided army. 

There came a time during the final battle when it seemed they might all be lost, when the forces arrayed against the companions were simply too great and their own strength and ammunition was all but spent. Then it was that the Princess River threw herself into the fray, and fought as never before for the lives of her companions, who had become her friends and family. 

At last, when the Man-Ape and the others of her companions who’d survived surveyed the field of battle, only River was left standing – standing in and covered with the blood of slain monsters. 

It was then that the Man-Ape finally understood that his curse had been broken – that the princess was the ‘River of Blood’ who, by standing between him and all his enemies past and present, had set him free of Vera’s curse. At that moment, the Man-Ape began to fade away, and in his place was left the no-longer-young but still (some would say) reasonably good-looking Prince Jayne. 

And that, my dears, is how River broke the curse of the Man-Ape.

Afterward, the newly freed Prince Jayne and the Princess River became partners in fighting for the forces of Right and Truth (and a fair and reasonable Profit, of course!), and had many other adventures. But those are stories for another night. Now, it is time for all of you to be in bed!

* * *


End file.
